Chad Got Hit By A Car
by SlaughterWhore
Summary: An extremely RANDOM fic my friend and I wrote one night  I think we weir a bit drunk from all that sake
1. Chapter 1

1Chad got hit by a car. Yay. No one went to his funeral. Haha. Then Pikachu blew up central 46 because their justice system is piss-poor. And their ugly and old and stupid butts. Orohime came and scewed with Chad's body and made him come back to life so him and Sailor chibi moon can have a happy life together^^. And they nhad 3540000 bABIES together! But then that weird masked guy killed chad.. . .again. And so there was no hispanic guys in Bleach and mexicans think it's racist and don't watch it. . . but there was still a black/rasta dude who was blind but didn't he die?...

Anyways -.-'... Ulquiorra woke up one morning with pink tonails and in a purple dress.

"What Happend last night?" thought Ulq. Grimmjow: *gets up from bedside* 0/0 how the hell did I get in here? Orohime: heheheheheh hello boys.. I had fun playing dress up with you guys last night!^^ let's do it again! *holds up makeup kit* heheheheh *creepy laugh* g+u: oh shit

Meanwhile, Toshiro was eating a healthy and balenced breakfast of cookiecrisp and chocolatte. Then Matsumoto got hit by a train and the blood from her destroyed corps sprayed all over the walls of Byakuya's masion. Akane: onii-sama? What was that? *infront of byakuya* byakuya: *looks down* I think it's matsumoto's head... *pokes it with foot* Kumori: hey was up guys I'm just going to say... ummmmm... hi to renji now! ^^ Akane: welll bye onii-sama and onee-chan! I'm going to uhh... train now!^^ *heheheh they are so stupid... heeeeeeee -/- shiro-kun*

"Oh hey. Have you seen my sister?" asked Toshi.

"Do you even have a sister?" asked Akane.

"I don't know. I think so. I hardly remember her cause she's always in Hueco Mundo or the humen world. Apparently, she gave my address to the magazine company and now thete's 20 magazines addressed to her on my doorstep." Replied Toshi.

Akane:What are the magazines about?

Toshi:well it says not to open any of them until she comes back...its in her hand writing

Akane:...that's suspicious...well do you want to read it anyway?

Toshi: -

Matsumoto:AHHHHH IM PREGNANT!

T+A: why do you always say that?

Matsumoto:...I do not

T+A: wait youre dead!

Mo: no im not...

T+A: 0_o

-with byakuya...4:00-

Byakuya:...awww its 4 and I still need to clean my mansion :(

hehehehe *ruages through old clothing* ahha! Found it! ^^ *takes out make up kit* ^^ *takes out old tatered kimono* *sigh* I wonder if it will still fit me *puts on* ahaaa... quite... form fitting... *checks out himself in mirror* oh yes.. *inhi squeky voice* *starts to apply make up* *takes out hair spray arranges hair in the style of hisana* Oh hello lord byakuya! *kisses self in mirror* hello hisana *kisses morror again* for the past hour... he switches back from hisana to byakuya.

"Hey Byakuya-taichou-HOLY CRAP!" Renji chose a bad time to walk in.

"Renji, I thought I told you to knock before entering!" shouted "Hisana".

"AHHH! THERE"S A WOMAN IN BYAKUYA'S ROOM! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" Renji covered his eyes and ran out the door.

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

_From the desk of Mrs. Ulquiorra Schiffer._

_Ishida,_

_Yuki-chan is leaving for Hueco Mundo tomorrow to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with us, the Espadas. You are also invited. However, given the circumstances of your last visit to our palace to rescue the slutty princesa, We of Las Noches understand if you refuse our invitation. We will not take any offence if you stay at home like a big wimpy baby and hope Yuki-chan doesn't get raped._

– _Mrs. Ulquiorra Shiffer_

Renji: We are gathered here today to bring together Hanatarou and this very-uh-lovely pickle...? Do you, Hanatarou, take this...pickle to be your lawfully wedded vegetable?

Hanatarou: I do! *crying*

Renji: Do you pickle take Hanatarou to be your lawfully wedded shinigami?

Pickle: *falls over*

Renji:...I think we're done here_..._

"WAIT!" shouts SzayelApporro. "That pickle is MY wife!"

"Gasp! Pickle, you never told me! What's that you say? Pickle, what do mean you're actually a... Cucumber that was aged in vinegar? That married SzayelApporro... in Las Vegas?" Hanataro's voice cracked.

"Yes. That is right. Get your hands off my wife!"

(Pickle still on ground. . .)

Szayel picked up his pickle wife and ate her instantly healing his wounds :D

Hanataro cried but nobody cared so they left him there in an empty church.


End file.
